There are the certain days throughout the year that bring more sadness than others after losing someone close. Many of those days can be identified ahead of time—birthdays, anniversaries, Father's day, Mother's Day—usually we can prepare for when emotions might be running a little heavy. And, not only can you prepare, but others around you can prepare, too. If you're one of the lucky ones, you've got a support system that recognizes these days are and makes it a point to be extra present, whether it's through a card, a text, a distraction, or just simply just by being there.
Days like those usually start out heavy and overwhelming, but as the hours pass, the weight on your heart lightens as friends and family bear some of that weight for you. This isn't to say that the day becomes magically less sad, but it does become a little more manageable.
While a lot of people do a wonderful job softening the hardness of those days and moments, there are other moments throughout the year that are less obvious to our surrounding circles, and as a result, end up being even harder than the days we saw coming. Holidays fall in this category.
Celebrating a holiday after loss is hard for a few reasons—but the most glaringly apparent one (which coincidentally ends up being the most blindsiding), is the absence of the person who once filled that day with so much joy.
What makes holidays so special are the nostalgic memories we hold on to and cherish so dearly. In fact, we cherish these memories so dearly that we end up striving to recreate them year after year, which in turn, creates traditions. These traditions—some of which we may not have consciously even known we had—become lost on families after an integral member is no longer present.
This has proven to be one of the hardest things for me to come to terms with.
As everyone happily goes about their holiday traditions, celebrating and spending time with one another, families struck with tragedy are having a very different experience. Those families are trying desperately to hold on to some thread of happiness or peace of mind in the day, but often end up filling with grief instead. These days—the days that are intrinsically happy for everyone else—are when we need our support systems more than ever.
This is a big reason why we made our holiday cards—one simply acknowledging that the holidays might not shine quite the same, and the other reminding us that our loved ones are still somewhere nearby. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to address the empty feeling and to remind us that we're not alone—just that acknowledgement goes a long way.
One day we'll have to create new memories and traditions that honor our loved ones passed while allowing us to move forward. This forward movement takes time though, and holidays are an adjustment that require us to go through the healing process. Until that process is underway, the support of a familiar voice can be one of the most comforting things to hold on to.